It’s all about you-

There’s a word for it. It’s called ‘a tell’.  It’s when a speaker ‘tells’ the audience about something without saying anything. There are congruent tells, where the subtle message reinforces the real one, like smiling sincerely and saying 'I'm really happy to be here'; and such congruence makes for a powerful message. Then there’s the incongruent tell which (you won’t be surprised to hear) does the opposite and makes for some exquisitely awful moments.

I think that they’re funny actually because, like that old saying that no matter how hard you try to convince someone of something, the harder you try, the more they think the opposite (eeeeek).

For me there’s a number of phrases that are more often than not, a sign of an incongruent ‘tell’. Here they are-

1. This is all about you.... Often as the speaker points to himself like Simon Cowell, meaning it's always' all about me...

2. I have your best interests at heart... Accompanied by a psychotic smile and glacial eye contact- start looking for the door.  Ruuuun!

3. Trust me... - Obvious question- Why would anyone ask that of anyone else?

4. Maybe I’m a terrible person but... Translation- Obviously they are, just agree and walk away.

5. My primary concern is about making this right for you... Request- Well stop stabbing me in the back then

6. Our most important asset is our people... Translation- And we're selling as many of them as we can because we can't melt them down for candles.

Why would a speaker say any of these things unless he was nervous about displaying the truth? Watch out for these phrases and see if you think the person really means what they’re saying or is simply saying something that she thinks we want to hear.  Tells are always telling.

93% of the message is complete twaddle- The truth is much better

We've all heard the numbers- 7% of your meaning is contained in the words you say; 35% in the vocal delivery and the rest (I can't be bothered to do the sums), is body language... Well folks it seems like even the guy who did the study thinks it's not true.  Dr Albert Meherabian did the work back in the 60's, with a very specififc focus- Read here if you're interested http://www.speakingaboutpresenting.com/presentation-myths/stickiest-idea-presenting-wrong/

So if these numbers are so limited as a piece of research, why do we trainers use them so much?  Is it to give us credibility?  To add proof to the value of what we do?  Who knows, but the thing to remember for presenters is that your power as a speaker is a fragile combination of -

1. You and how enthusiastic, confident, open and credible you are
2. The quality of your story and the logic in the path you take through your topic
3. The audience you're facing and how you deal with what they bring into the room

The great thing about brilliance is that it's derived differently for each one of us, and we can all be brilliant (or rubbish) in different ways, for different reasons, on different days. 

The most moving speech I've ever heard was given by a very nervous 19 year old girl, with terrible diction, in halting prose with no visual aids, in a terrible room, at a wedding.  It was the bride's daughter saying how much she appreciated what she'd done for her since she, her sister and her mum had been abandoned by her father 20  years before.  It's the only time I've ever cried at a wedding.

Why was it so powerful?  Because she was telling the heartfelt truth.